Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
