bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
