Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
