hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
