we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
