His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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