i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
