The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
