Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
