forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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