the condom got lost in my hair
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
