I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
