Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
