so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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