Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
