dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
