Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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