If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We need to get me chipped asap
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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