You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
