Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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