I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
