So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
