Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
