it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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