eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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