Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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