Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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