This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
BRING THE BAGELS
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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