fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
