yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
