I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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