i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
