question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
