So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
