Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
