Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
