Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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