If that was your dad, he is hot
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the day after is always just damage control
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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