I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
