there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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