woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
