It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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