nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
