Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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