I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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