why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
