I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this beer tastes like vomit already
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
