If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Houston, we have a squirter
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
