If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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