I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
