there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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