All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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