I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
