from now on my penis is your penis
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Mom said you looked used
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
