My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
