I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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