You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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