he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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