i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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