I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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