it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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