I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
