what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
