talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
