Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
