well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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