y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
