Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
