Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
