ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
