I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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